Rosie Reveals
by justalittle l o o n y
Summary: Rose is tired of girls staring at the boys in her family and is determined to make them get over them by telling embarrassing stories. Will she succeed?
1. Introduction

I read Guide to Weasley Girls by dork-with-glasses and I got this idea. I don't own Harry Potter.

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Hey everybody! It's me, Rose Weasley. If you are a male member of my family, or an acquaintance (this includes you Malfoy), please do not read on. I have lately noticed that there have been a sad amount of girls staring at my cousins/ brother, and I, frankly, am disgusted by it. What could you see in them? Of course I might be a bit biased, after all, they are related to me.

I also have heard quite a lot of girls comforting one another, saying things like, 'don't worry, every girl is destined to fall for a weasley boy at one point.' Excuse me while I go vomit. Who could fall for Hugo? He picks his nose and eats it! Hopefully that scared a fair few of you away. Hey! That's what I'll do! I'll simply tell you all about them. Their pros and cons. That might just work!


	2. Teddy Lupin

Okay, first boy to disgust you out of liking is....(drum roll) Teddy Lupin! I know he's not technically related to me, but Uncle Harry practically adopted him. I also know that he's 25, married to Victoire Weasley-now Lupin, has a 1 year old daughter named Isabelle and is thus graduated and taken, but some of you might have been at Hogwarts when he was around, and developed a crush on him. A pointless crush, because, as stated above, he is married _with kids._ Some of you even...might...have...posters of him in your room, which not only is disgusting, is probably dangerous, because Victoire is not a person to anger. And somebody having a poster of her husband hanging in their room definitely is a 18 on the scale of 1-10 Victoire anger.

For those of you who are in my year or lower, and thus don't know him, I shall tell you a little more about him. First, I know most of you value looks more than personality (and I can see why, most of you coudn't get a guy with your personalities) so I'll tell you what he looks like. He is a metamorphagus, so that will be a little hard. For you people who obviously don't pay attention in Transfiguration, and don't know what a metamorphagus is, GO READ A BOOK!!!

...No, wait don't leave, I'll tell you. A metamorpahgus is someone who can change their appearance at will. So Teddy doesn't have a set look like most of us. Lucky him, he doesn't have to deal with frizzy red curls that poof into an afro. He only uses his skills at times of need, though. Usually he has wavy turquoise hair down to his ears, hazel eyes, and a skinny, but muscled body. For those who are swooning already, please refrain, and listen on.

Now to his personality. (yea!) He inherited is mother's loyalty and his father's kindness, so the Sorting Hat put him in Hufflepuff. For you lot who are thinking that Hufflepuffs are a load of old duffers, stay away from my family or I'll hex you. He plays guitar very well, and is an alright singer. He is the oldest in our family, so he is thus _incredibly_ protective over everyone.

Darn, now I probably made a bunch more of you fall for him, which was _not _my goal. Now, as much as I'm disgusted by you for crushing on my cousins, I don't want Vic to kill you. Thus, I'm going to help you get over him by telling you embarrassing stories about him. First, when he was 5, according to my father, he used to be obsessed with Uncle Harry's messy hair, and would always try to change his hair to match it. Now, my mum, Aunty Ginny, and my late great aunt Lily, all agreed that the messy black hair of the Potters is unable to be imitated, so, naturally, Teddy couldn't mimic it. He kept trying, though, and on the day he finally got it, he was so happy, he peed in his pants. Another embarrassing story is the time when he was 12 and tried to fly on Aunt Ginny's Firebolt Revamped. He 'accidentally' crashed into their pond. Ginny was so mad, she nearly hexed him. He, to this day cannot fly on a broom, thanks to his mother's clumsiness. Are those enough stories to make you stop liking him? No? Well, I see your point, he was younger then. You want a recent one? Let me think... Oh! How about the time he forgot the password to the Hufflepuff common room. That wouldn't be so bad if you didn't know that:

a) he was the Head Boy

b) he made up the password

c) the password was Teddy Lupin

You've probably gotten over him after that display of stupidity right? Yes! I did my job right! Now Vic won't kill you. Unless, of course, she found out that you liked him. Which she won't. I promise I won't tell her. I was only flooing her to tell her that um, I am finally fluent in _Francais__! _

Please don't kill me...


	3. Louis Weasley

Now that the bruises I got from the people who liked Teddy have healed, I can tell you about Victoire's 18 (but graduated) year old brother Louis. Once again, I am disgusted by you for liking my cousins, but not as much. Once, Louis veela-ed me and... We'll get into that later. One of the reasons I advise you against liking him is, well, he's 1/8 veela and he's had about 200 girlfriends. In the past week. If you look up the definition of the word player in the dictionary, you get Louis's picture. I mean, he flirts with more girls than James, and that's saying something. Thank you for the smart ones who are walking away in disgust.

Now for his appearance. (We've already established how shallow some girls are, I don't think we need to go into that again.) He has rugged red hair that he wears too long for Grandma Molly's liking, approximately down to his elbows. He also has his mom's clear blue eyes which most girls swear have infinite depth. He's a lot like our Uncle Charlie, so much so, that he wants to work with dragons when he grows up (though I expect his reasons are different. I doubt that Charlie only did it to get with Romanian girls as he's never had a girlfriend). I suppose that's more of his personality though. Another (excuse me while I go vomit) "attractive" feature is his quidditch toned body. (Not my words)

Now for personality, (though, I can't think of much besides girl obsessed player). Well, he loves quidditch, as I mentioned before. He also is a dragon maniac. I suppose I could mention what house he's in, Gryffindor. Personally, I don't think he has much more personality than that.

Now, a lot of you are wondering what happened to make me obviously dislike Louis. Well, I'll tell you this, I don't dislike him. He's my cousin and I love him, but I just think it's a bit annoying that he thinks he can have any girl he wants. Still not convinced? Okay...I'll tell you. My ex-best friend, Sadie Davies, (yes, the Sadie who has dated every boy in Hogwarts,) had a crush on him. Louis didn't know this, and thought it would be funny to veela me. Ha-ha, not funny at all. I was enamored by him for about 2 weeks. To make the joke even "funnier" he flirted back, leaving Sadie hating me. She found out that he veela-ed me and got over him, and you'd think that would allow her to come back to be friends with me but no. She spit in my face and proceeded to date everyone, I think to prove that just because Louis liked me (which he never did, which SHE KNEW!) didn't mean that she couldn't get any boys to like her. Which is completely stupid, I know, and I probably should have never been friends with her in the first place. Yet, she was my best friend, she really cared for me, until then. Thus, Louis is not my favorite cousin.

If you think that is cruel and have gotten over him, good. If not, get over him on your own, I'm not wasting my time on him anymore.


	4. AN Apology

I am sorry for disappointing those of you who saw this update, and were hoping for a new chapter. My computer with the files for the new chapter has run out of charge. and I left my charger at my grandmother's house. I tried importing the files on my flash drive, but the file type could not be read. Until my Grandmother sends my charger here, I will not be updating. I am sorry.


End file.
